Nicole Blackman

Nicole Blackman (30 November, 1971) is een Amerikaanse performance-artieste, een passie die ze combineert met schrijven, zingen en lesgeven. Blackman is een icoon van de Noord-Amerikaanse gothic scene dankzij haar sombere stijl en sinistere horroracts. In 2000 verscheen ze tijdens een tournée op het podium in een tenue dat met bloed was besmeurd. Vervolgens knipte ze voor de ogen van het publiek haar haren af. Ze heeft een schare trouwe fans die al haar exploten – hoe weird ook – enthousiast toejuichen.

Ze publiceerde ook een drietal boeken met de ronkende titels: “Pretty,” “Sweet,” and “Nice,” (volgens haar de afschuwelijkste complimenten voor een jonge vrouw). Op een dag was ze op zoek naar materiaal voor een nieuwe CD. Bij gebrek aan inspiratie probeerde ze zich in te leven in de gevoelswereld van een anorexiapatiënt. Ze schreeft de tekst voor het nummer ‘Holy’. Die song werd zowat het lijflied van de anorexiagemeenschap, en van heel wat pro-ana adepten hoewel dat zeker niet Nicoles’ bedoeling was.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nicole_Blackman

Holy

I eat only sleep and air and everyone thinks i’m dumb

But i’m smart because i’ve figured it out I am slimmer than you are

And I am burning my skin off little by little until I reach bone and self until i get to where I am essential until I get to where I am

Food doesnt even tempt me anymore

Because I am so full of energy and sense I can even pass by water now

Because I am living off the parts of me that I don’t need anymore I could feel the slow drips of pain before swirling inside where my lungs should have been now i’m clean inside I threw out hundreds of things that I didn’t need anymore

All my dresses and bras

Stupid things like jeans and socks

Most days I float thru the house naked so I can see myself in the mirrors

I have hundreds of them everywhere

And they talk back to me all the time

They keep me true and pure They make sure I’m still here

When I knew what I had to do I took all my notebooks, all my manuscripts

And ate them page by page so I could take my words with me I can finally control my life and even death

And I will die slowly like steam escaping from a pipe

This is my greatest performance and all of the actresses who won my parts will say how wonderful to let yourself go that mad how wonderful to go on this kind of journey and not care if you come back to tell the story

I scratch words on the walls now so people will visit this museum and know how someone like me ends up like this (they’ll say there is art in here somewhere)

Everything that comes out of me is sacred every fingernail, every eyelash, every hair starvation is sacred and i scratch my bones against the windows at night I light candles and feel myself evaporate this body is a little church, a little temple

You can’t see me now because i’ve gone inside

My family doesnt call anymore

My friends don’t call anymore

You can’t hurt me anymore.

They can’t hurt me anymore

Only I can And that’s okay I don’t need them anymore. I can live off me I speak to me. i dance with me I eat me

When they find me, I’ll have a little smile on my face And they’ll wrap me in a white cloth and lay me in the ground and say they don’t understand but I do.

I don’t hurt anymore I’m not lonely anymore. I’m not sad I’m not pretty anymore I made it through

I feel so holy and clean when i stretch out on the floor and sing sometimes god comes in for a minute and says i’m doing fine I’m almost there

Everyday I get a little closer to vanishing

Some days I can’t stand up because the room moves under my feet and i smile because I’m almost there, I’m almost an angel

One day when I am thin enough I’ll go outside fluttering my hands so I can fly And I will be so slight

That I will pass through all of you silently like wind